i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
