there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
