WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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