You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
