Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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