I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
