i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
