Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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