If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
