Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
