it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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