yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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