There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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