He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
