i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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