Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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