I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
