so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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