He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
pray to the hookup gods
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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