I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
