I accidentally had phone sex last night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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