I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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