the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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