But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
