Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
