I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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