Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
