Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
