I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
