Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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