nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize