Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
