I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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