So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
