I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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