He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
