hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
