oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
