Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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