they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
