my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
