Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
