I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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