Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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