tell your sister to shave her snatch
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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