i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
