Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
