Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
