this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
