Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
