Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
