Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
