i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
