I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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