even my farts smell like vagina
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
