you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
