He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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