I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
