that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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