We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this just has baby written all over it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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