I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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