okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
