Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
