just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
