so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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