Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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