She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
