Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've blown a few things in my day
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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